dreaming out loud. . .

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

How He Easy Comes, How He Easy Goes*

i knew it was all too good to be true.

sighs.

i don't know why i even care.

yes, i do care. i care about this friend whom i barely know.

it was all a misunderstanding and i guess it was my fault.

but i don't blame myself anymore. i was just voicing out what i feel. i guess it was taken the wrong way. maybe he thought i was judging him or something which i obviously wasn't.

i tried to clear things up so it's up to the other party to help me fix it. i don't want to lose a friend like i did the last time.

but.. i think the other party is avoiding me. for God knows what reason, he won't tell me.

i really want to fix this. nobody has ever made me feel this good since.. i don't know.. eons ago.

SIGHS.

no point being all emo over this. at least i've tried.

even when your hope is gone
move along, move along
just to make it through
:(

oh.

to bloghopper: please ask Arrohman cos i seriously play no part in whatever thing that's happening. i'm as lost.

and to anon/msAPG [i had half a mind to spell that APG out. HAHA !]: thanks, i guess you guys know the REAL story. :)

Thursday, May 24, 2007

What Matters Most.*

first and foremost..

thanks to those you have given me advice. with sweet words to brighten things up. appreciate it many-many, my <3s !

so i shall reply to my tags here:

BeN: why am i so not surprised that u like franco. HAHHA! SO typical of ya. GO JORDINNNNN
- Franco my current dream guy, can. don't jealous hor ! by the way, GO BLAKEY. hah !

FeEz: Sumone is in CCCCiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnciao
- kepo.

yinz: fizahh~ dont like that laaa. whatever it is, you have me listening to youuu~ =D
yinz: we will always love you no matter what happens! right xueyin?<3
- love you guys too, man ! don't know what i'd do if you guys are not working there. work life will be miserable la sey !! and don't always absent from work la. come everyday ok. heh. :)

sha: awww... fizah.. dun be depress k..this is life u always got me and the rest by ur side
- not depress anymore. hehe *smiling wide* yeaa i know. thanks, gem. :)

XueYin: wait wait, correction. US to listen to u. but i think u say so many clubs, Buaya Club still da BEST!
XueYin: and i cannot stand this workplace as well, can u believe it. some people are juz changed people. superiors wise u know, we know. SIGH. fiz, no matter what we muz hang on!!
- yah lor, BUAYA CLUB RULES, CAN. hahahaha ! yaaaah. if you guys leave, i will leave too ! or else.. haiz.. don't know what to do liao. yes i we must hang on ! yes, Ms President of Buaya Club !! *salutes* HEHE :P

siv: hey fiz, though we rnt tt close, i wont mind bein ur listenin ear n ur shoulder...
- thanks many-many ! and vice-versa ok ! don't ever forget that. :)

shima: oitt..so am i included in ur "best colleagues"..haha..obviously not kan..cos i kan budak cck..dah alien gitu..sobz
shima: aniwae..asal cedih2 kat work nih..jgn ler..superiors memang gitu la..mine also ader probs here there..but kena semangat k!! aniwae..we can always go out to chill..jus like always *winkz* =)
- what talking, you ? you not one of my best colleagues ? kidding me ! you're included also ok ! though you're working at CCK now.. we still can go out what ! and i shall tell you everything k, kepo girl :P hehe kidding ! must remember our DGcam hunt ok !

and to my bestfriends: i'll tell you guys soon ok. i'm hoping to meet you guys this weekend ! for Pirates, maybe ? ARRRR. ME WANT SEE JOHNNNEEHHH ! hehe.

---

as you can see from my replies, i am no longer depressed.
why you ask ?

1. i got wonderful friends who are always there for me. i hope i'll always be there for you guys. :)

2. Friday's Payday, baby ! i'm up for some CRT - Chronic Retail Therapy. anyone interested ?

3. A Surprise Gift.

special thanks to Arrohman Rohani for this long-awaited LP album: Minutes To Midnight !

i thought the package outside my door contain bomb la, sey -.-''
but then i saw the GIANT POSTER. heh.
HAPPY !!

to Feez: I GOT ORIGINAL LP CD LA, WEY !! HEHE ! :p

to Arrohman: i shall pay you back. i will !! ok, if you don't want money.. then lunch or dinner or something k ! :)

//shall review the CD in the next post.

4. Chicken Rice.

something to do with chicken rice. :) touched my heart, can ! hoho :p

(end)

to my lovely colleagues.. thanks for all the support and advice. i know i'm the type of girl who wears her heart on her sleeves. so i shall take things slow.. whatever it is, i know you guys are all behind me and that's very, very, very sweet of you all ok !

and please.... do NOT mention anything infront of the boss, can. oh well. it's inevitable in the end, i guess.

apparently EVERYONE working in the pharmacy knows about this. freaaaaak, sia. but having your boss know about your deeply personal life ? now, that's NOT good.

you know what Boss did just now ? she cornered me, put her hand on my shoulder and said:

''lately what's wrong with you ah ? you've been acting very different lately.''

of course i didn't tell her anything. i just shrugged and said nothing. hehe.

the funny thing was, she heard bits and pieces of the conversation with my colleagues (i think she got what people call ''selective hearing'') and she quickly came up with a conclusion to my ''situation''.

''ohhhh ! Fizah is in love with the CHICKEN RICE SELLER.''

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

OK ! THAT'S FREAKING FUNNY, CAN !

and she said with full of confidence lor ! *smacks head laughing*

after that, she changed her conclusion. now it's: i'm in love with the Cheese Prata maker.

hokay..................

*LAUGHS LIKE CRAZY*

she's so freaking funny k, sometimes. but that doesn't change my opinion of her. =x
just because i like to eat Cheese Prata doesn't mean i love the maker, can. -.-!

and no love here. just, INFATUATION. :)

-end-

Monday, May 21, 2007

Would Anything Ever Be Good Enough ?*

contrary to my previous post. i'm going to blog about depression.

yes, you read it right. depression.

today's Monday. you know how people always have Monday Blues ? i know i'm not supposed to dread Mondays cos Monday is actually considered a very special day in my religion. but somehow Mondays always spell one thing: W-O-R-K.

the whole day, i felt:-
- depressed.
- frustrated.
- upset.
- confused.

and i can't really pinpoint the things or people who actually caused those things.

maybe it's people at work (the Superiors).
maybe it's the difficult patients (who called us a joke when we ran out of a particular medicine).
maybe it's me, expecting something when there's nothing to be expected in a normal just-started friendship.

maybe it's everything.

i was typing some prescriptions after lunch and i actually felt like crying. for no apparent reason.

don't worry, i typed them correctly. somehow my fingers and mind were detached at that point of time so safety of the patients were pretty much well taken care of. :)

and the fact i have no one to rant to makes the matters even worst. wait, i do have my best friends who are always there for me and i really appreciate that. :)

but they have their own problems. so why add to their misery ?

and the worst part is, at the point when i'm feeling vulnerable, i was the one who's cheering a friend up. while i'm glad to do it, i'm silently wishing that special someone would be there to cheer me up whenever i'm down.

yes, i'm risking myself to be seen as selfish. but doesn't everyone wants that ?

i feel like calling it quits, cos i've seen the true colours of some people whom i consider "friends" instead of colleagues. and i very well know what they are capable of. but i can't bear to part with my best colleagues a.k.a "the Buaya Club, the Drama Club and the Dancing/Singing Club (that just started)".

i guess that's work life, right ?

for those students out there, be thankful that you're still in school. cos nothing can prepare you for the evil that's out there (disguised as colleagues). yes, i sound so Drama. but i'm hell right.

sighs.

i was floating like a helium balloon the whole of last week. and i'm predicting down-in-the-dumbs for this week. i guess the saying, "suka-suka lama-lama jadi duka" [happy-happy first, upset later.] is true in this case.

while pleasant surprises add excitement to an otherwise mundane life, expecting some things and them actually coming true would be nice once in a while.

i need some therapy.

a dose of That 70's Show and a whole lot of hazelnut chocolates.

oh God, please help me.

please.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Mad Season*

this week has a been a real crazy one for me.

itchy moments x/ - MC on Monday due to rashes all over my body. eh, i got mandi ok. zzzz.

happy moments :) - a sweet gesture by a certain someone.

freaky moments x/ - involving a freaky old man, which i don't want to talk about.

and happy moments, again :) - constant communication with a friend.

tomorrow is work day again.

yes, i have to go to work on Sunday. the freaking stock take thingy. and as usual, i will have to wait till everyone finishes counting (or recounting for that matter) cos i will be the one keying the numbers into the system.

why me ? ask the Superior. bleargh. totally driving me crazy.

and tomorrow is our Secondary School Gathering again. i guess it's going to be an annual thing now ?

and i think i'm falling.. but i don't want to be disappointed. like all times before. but can you really stop your heart from doing something it wants to ?

and lately everything so blurry inside my head. i'm not thinking straight. it's like nothing else matters anymore.

ok, i have to stop this ! ergh. i need to focus right now. focus on my life. and my future. it's only an infatuation. besides, there's more of him to discover.

yes, it's just an infatuation.

a real sweet one. :)

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Lust*

i think i could like you
i already do
feelings can grow but
they can go away too
you're takin my hand
looking into my eyes
don't be in a rush to
get me tonight

feel something happening
could this be a spark?
to satisfy me baby
gotta satisfy my heart

do you know how to touch a girl?
if you want me so much
first i have to know
are you thoughtful and kind?
do you care what's on my mind?
or am i just for show?

you'll go far in this world
if you know how to touch a girl
do you know how to touch,
know how to touch a girl?
do you know how to touch,
know how to touch a girl?

i think i could like you
but i keep holding back
cause i can't seem to tell
if you're fiction or fact
show me you can laugh
show me you can cry
show me who you really are
deep down inside

do you feel something happening?
could this be for real?
i don't know right now
but tonight we'll reveal

do you know how to touch a girl?
if you want me so much
first i have to know
are you thoughtful and kind?
do you care what's on my mind?
or am i just for show?
you'll go far in this world
if you know how to touch a girl

bring me some flowers
conversation for hours
to see if we really connect
and baby if we do
ooh i'll be givin all my love to you
ohh

- Jojo, How To Touch A Girl.

:)

oh, and to those guys out there. touch doesn't mean literally touch k. please, get that thought out of your head like.. right now.

it means touching the girl's heart with the sweetest things you do. no matter how subtle they may be. cos these little things are what matters most.

:)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Creepy Crawlie*

Spiderman 3 was AWESOME !

yes, 2.5 hrs might be a little draggy. but i've had alot of practise with LOTR, so that wasn't much of a problem to me. heh.

totally dig the effects. more realistic this time.

and the two male leads were oh-so-dashing ! as always, right ? heh. especially franco. fuuuh !

overall, i think this is the best of all 3. but that's just me.

you guys just HAVE to go watch it, alright ! it's totally worth saving money for. :D

James Franco

can i have a guy like that ? pretty please ? heh.

ok, fine. anyone with that smile. or lips. or eyes. or face. at least. :D

can't wait Pirates: At World's End !

ohyes. Happy Mummy's Day to the Queen of my Heart. <3

i love you, Mummy !!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Life*

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters
in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away somehow
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate

time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours,
still remain,
still remain.

these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain..

- Rob Thomas, Little Wonders

let us all stop running this race called Life, see the big picture and appreciate the little things in life.

breathe it all in. cos this won't last forever.

much love. :)

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Chocolates are a Girl's Best Friend. and some Guys' too*

chocolate-coated strawberries with marshmellows ?

i think i just died and went to Heaven.

P.S: i know this pic doesn't look enticing. but i assure you, it was heavenly~! heh !